PLEASE Be Quiet

May 9, 2012 at 9:28 pm | Posted in Kids | 5 Comments
Tags: children, kids, Michael, motherhood

My 3-year-old can do a lot of things. He’s a pretty big boy. But one thing he really can’t do is be quiet. That boy just can NOT stop talking! And of course every sentence requires some type of response from me – an answer, an “oh my!”, a “Really, Michael?” always something!

I’m telling you, my mouth hurts from all this talking. But not Michael’s. If he is not talking to me, he’s talking to his brother. If he’s not talking to his brother, he’s talking to Daddy. If he’s not talking to Daddy, he’s talking to the cat. If he’s not talking to the cat, he’s talking to himself. Constantly. Incessantly. In a never-ending conversation-circle. Just take today’s gem for example:

“Where does ham come from, Mommy?”

“From a pig, Michael.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s pig meat.”

“Why Mommy?”

“Because that’s where ham comes from.”

“Do you have to kill the pig, Mommy?”

“Yes, Michael.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s how you get ham.”

“Oh. From a pig?”

“Yes, Michael.”

“Why, Mommy?”

So you can see why not only my mouth hurts but my brain hurts, too. Sometimes I have to say to him, “MICHAEL!!! JUST STOP TALKING FOR FIVE SECONDS, OK??!” And he stops for about one minute, then softly says, “Why, Mommy?” with this naughty little grin on his face as if he knew exactly what he was doing the whole time.

At this point, the only option for me to get any peace is to jump out of the moving car’s window. Did I mention that a large portion of this goes on in the car? And don’t recommend that I put some on some MUSIC to distract him – then it’s even worse! “Mommy, why are there ‘sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground’? Who does James Taylor miss, Mommy? Where did she go? Why does his guitar sound like that? How many hands does he have?” and on and on and on. Forget the music, it opens up a whole new can of “why” worms.

Maybe this whole thing is some kind of power-play on his part. The best way to constantly get and maintain his mother’s attention without actually being naughty. He’ll just keep talking in a never-ending logic-circle that sucks the other person in and won’t let them leave. But the joke’s on him in the long run. Because little girls do this, too, and as women we learn how to take this skill to the next level. We, also, can talk incessantly about nothing to the point of practically bringing a man to tears. Or at least to his knees.

So talk on, little Michael, while you have your chance. Someday some smart woman is going to get a hold of you and talk your socks off. You’ll be so transfixed by her that you won’t be able to walk away, and you’ll just have to find a way to survive the constant chatter so you can simply be close to her. Then she and your Mom will have a good laugh about the days when you wanted to know “HOW high is the sky and WHY is it blue and WHERE does it end?”

Oh, talk on, sweet Mike, talk on.

xo